There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
