Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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