Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
