ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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