It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
