She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
