nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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