if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
