dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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