i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
