I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
