Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
