I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
