There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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