i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
