I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
