hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
