you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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