I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
