They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
