I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
