last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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