I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
