hotel room ftw
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
