you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
