That's intense
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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