I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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