So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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