an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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