you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you would pick up someone in the library
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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