Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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