Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
