In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
