one might say we're banned from that church
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
