Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
