We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
