I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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