who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Life is so much better after having sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
