how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
