Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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