On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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