Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
