He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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