Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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