just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
