the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
