im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
