I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
