life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and she was petting her beer can
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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