So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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