she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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