We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
