chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
