I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
